Category: LGBT Discussion
Hi everyone,
I'm curious to know what you all do when faced with this dilemma: you meet someone of the same sex and you're instantly attracted to them. Your gay-dar is sending you some pretty strong signals, but you know you could be wrong and you don't want to make a move and end up in a situation that is awkward at best and aggressively homophobic at worst. You don't have any mutual friends who could provide you with some insight, and you may never see this person again so you have to decide quickly what to do. How do you handle it?
I'm usually pretty good at identifying others in the LGBT community, but there's always a chance I could be wrong. I'd love to hear some suggestions on how to deal with this, though, because I don't want to miss out on any more opportunities than I might already have!
Thanks,
Becky
I know it's sometimes easier said than done to just go for it, but honestly, that's your best bet. you talk about not wanting to miss opportunities, so seriously, why the hesitation?
In that situation, I'd hopefully be able to find something I could admire, (his cologne, perhaps." I'd ask him what it is and tell him that I really like it. If we were very near each other, I might manage to brush against him or touch him in some way. No, I don't mean just run up and grab his cock... Well, not at first, anyway. :P
I admire the ones who can have that straight forward approach, but I'm definitely more subtle than that.
Maybe just say I would like to talk to you, and say exactly what you said on this board.
I'm pretty out at work, and people are pretty accepting. Which is fortunate because there's a new tech guy across the hall from the contact center where I work now who's pretty interesting, and I'm pretty positive he's gay. I"m probably going to get some insight into him shortly because I'm getting a Mac and want some advice on training, so I'll probably just casually (if there is such a thing) bring up the issue somehow. I haven't figured it out yet, but most of the time I've waited until I'm pretty sure that either the guy is of the same interest or is at least tolerant enough for me/us to figure things out. That makes it easier to broach the topic. I'd rather be cautious myself than open myself up to possible ridicule or a homophobic incident, but that's just me.
It can be awkward regardless if they are the same sex or not if you become instantly attracted to a person as you say you have, so that wouldn't be a good thing to mention. I think it also depends on what you are wanting from this girl, whether it is more so a relationship or a good time. If you don't know her sexual preference and you want a relationship, I wouldn't get my hopes up if I were you, just to be spared of disappointment. However I do agree with Chelsea. You only live once, so go for it. Act cool and normal about it, and who knows what things could lead to.
agree with the majority of the other posters! think about it, you have more chance with this girl if you approach her than if you don't! also are you hesitant to talk to her because you think she might be straight or is it the more straight forward fear that most of us have of being rejected. If you get to know her and talk to her about yourself dropping in to the conversation that you like women then you should be able to pick up vibes based on that! and if its the case that you are unlikely to see her again then why not just go out on a limb and put your interest out there! I also think Devilish Anthony's strategy is spot on! everone likes to be paid a complement even if attraction is not reciprocated! good luck!
I think Becky's concerns are right. So-called homophobia, more accurately termed anti-gay terrorist behavior, is real, and far too many gays end up dead because of it. One in 12 transsexuals end up dead because of this stuff: that's one in twelve! I don't know the number for gay men and Lesbian women but it's higher than us straights enjoy. And that includes us men, who in all other cases are the number one demographic for violence.
So in part I agree with those who say go for it, but simply be situationally aware. Know your exits, or someone you can turn to, in case of a violent reaction. I think dropping subtle hints and not so subtle hints like simply declaring you're into women before declaring an interest on a particular woman is a safe bet.
Short of violence, though, you'll just want to be careful in a work setting. Women are the sole arbiters and traffic cops of all things sexual harassment, and you will be in the same position as us straight men. Many men such as myself have sworn off dating within the workplace because what you will find is if you date a woman where you work, and something goes south, anything you and she did on or off campus can and may be used against you.
I have heard the plight of Lesbian women in this context can be exactly what it is of straight men. A bit of irony I guess, but this is not to scare you off, only help you be safe, while still getting out there and meeting people.
p.s.: For the simple among us, I am not saying she will encounter a harassment claim, many of us have not, myself included. I was speaking in statistical averages. Just like if you are in the gang area of town at 3 in the morning, you are significantly more likely to get mugged. Of course that doesn't mean every single person in that area of town will mug people.
Hey guys. Thanks for all the suggestions and the words of caution. I think all of this will be very helpful in the future!
Becky